


Hashtag Dino Love

by ashtraythief



Series: masquerade fills [25]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dinosaurs, Alternate Universe - Jurassic World Fusion, Dinosaurs, M/M, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:40:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27744628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtraythief/pseuds/ashtraythief
Summary: The family-friendly Herbivore Valley is not so family-friendly these days. Corporate thinks it's a problem, but Chad will always support Jared and Jensen's big, gay dino love.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Series: masquerade fills [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1131689
Comments: 26
Kudos: 150
Collections: SPN_Masquerade Fall 2020





	Hashtag Dino Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cassiopeia7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiopeia7/gifts).



> Written for this prompt in the seventh round of the spn_masquerade: _Chad is a paleontologist, vacillating between being amused and annoyed by the two dinosaurs who can't stop boning (heh)_
> 
> If there's a dinosaur prompt on masquerade, I have to fill it, I don't make the rules.
> 
> For Deb, my wonderful dinosaur-loving sister-in-arms. She drew a gorgeous picture of the Js’ coital bliss, you can see it **[here](https://cassiopeia7.livejournal.com/627960.html)**. Please leave her all the love.
> 
> Many thanks to ilikaicalie and masja_17 for being wonderful betas <3

Chad did not think this job would be exasperating. Dangerous yes. Cloning dinosaurs, that was insane the first time around and then when they opened a second park… But Chad is a paleontologist and he’s an adventurer. He goes on digs around the world, fights black market skeleton dealers, hell he’s basically the Indiana Jones of dino bones. He doesn’t have a whip, but he does have a hat and he pulls it off.

So when they were looking for a paleontologist after a failed launch and a failed park, Chad was one of the few brave enough to take a job. Rosenbaum called him insane, but what does he know? He is a _botanist_.

And so far everything is going great. Well, everything except for Danneel Harris breathing down his neck because the herbivore valley is not ‘child friendly’ anymore. Not that Chad would be opposed to Danneel Harris breathing down his neck in a fun, non-work context, because _hot damn_ , but when she’s glaring at him for not having Jared and Jensen under control, that’s just no fun. Well, a little bit maybe.

Especially on a hot day like today, when she’s shed her blazer and is just wearing a thin, almost see-through blouse.

Chad tears himself away from trying to make out the color of her bra and says, probably for the tenth time, “Look, it’s just a bad idea to start breeding males. We just need to get out there, you know?” He waggles his eyebrows to make his point.

Danneel raises a sharp eyebrow. “We don’t have this problem with any of the other male dinosaurs. So, Mr. Hot-Shot Paleontologist, tell me what’s so special about these two.”

She turns back to the big herbivore valley. It’s early in the day, the sun just clearing the green hills of the island, and down there in the soft grass, Jared and Jensen are fucking like they don’t have a care in the world. Again.

And it’s nothing you can not notice because Jensen is a thirty-foot iguanodon and Jared is an eighty-foot diplodocus and together these two weigh about thirteen tons. When they fuck, _everyone_ notices. To be fair, Jared’s mostly tail and neck, his body almost the same size as Jensen, so the mechanics actually sort of work. In the beginning, Chad was worried about the lack of lube and the fact that Jared’s diplodocus dick is probably longer than that of a blue whale, but Jared also has a very long, dexterous tongue, and Jensen takes it like a champ.

The real question, of course, is how two male dinosaurs from such different species decided to hook up in the first place. Chad’s not really surprised by the gay part, plenty of modern animals exhibit homosexuality, so why not dinosaurs? But Jared is a giant four-legged sauropod, and Jensen is a shorter, sometimes two-legged, sometimes four-legged ornithopod. The last time the dinosaurs were around, they didn’t even live in the same geological era. Hell, Jensen’s species is about thirty million years younger than Jared’s.

But Jared and Jensen have always been a special case. Chad should know, he was there when it happened. And maybe it's time to own up to Danneel about his part in Jared and Jensen’s codependent, distracting little love story.

“So, remember about a year ago, how there was a fire in the lab?”

“Yes.”

Chad had come to the island two days after the fire, when the lab was still in shambles and not all dinos had been found. So he’d gotten himself some protective equipment and gone dinosaur saving. Because Chad was a goddamn hero.

“Jared and Jensen were the last two hatchlings we found alive,” he tells Danneel. “Jared’s tail was caught under a beam and for some reason, Jensen had stayed with him.”

Danneel’s eyes widen. “Seriously?”

Chad nods. “It was the cutest fucking thing, honestly. Jensen was sort of crouching over Jared to protect his neck and they were just snuggling. When I went in there to get Jensen out first, he threw a fit, wailed, and even gave me a pretty bad scratch with his thumb spike, until I sat him down again and let him watch us dig out Jared.”

Danneel shakes her head. “I had no idea they have so much emotional range.”

“Well, those two certainly do,” Chad says when the ground starts to shake.

Jared and Jensen’s lazy, early morning sex has shifted into their earth-shaking fucking that wakes everyone on the island who’s not already awake.

Jensen is crouched on all fours on the ground, the golden specks on his green-scaled back lighting up like freckles in the early morning sun. Jared’s half-crouching, half-resting over Jensen’s back, and fucking him with a surprising amount of agility for such a large, ponderous animal. Then again, of all the long-necks, the diplodocus are the slimmest with their smaller bodies and their extremely long tails and necks.

In some sort of hyper flexibility that Chad’s only used to from cats, their tails are intertwined and moving in the rhythm of their hips, tips twitching up towards the sky. They’re gearing up towards the end, Chad can tell by the increasing speed of their movements and Jared’s tail straightening all the way upwards.

“You might want to cover your ears,” Chad advises.

Danneel shoots him a confused look but follows his advice. And not a second too late, because down in the valley, Jared and Jensen roar in their climax, and a moment later, Jared’s long, slim tail cracks through the air like a bullwhip, only ten times as loud.

“Okay, wow,” Danneel says. “It’s not that loud on the cam footage.”

“Yeah, we now know that diplodocus definitely use their long tails to make mating sounds.”

Danneel snorts. “That doesn’t solve our problem. I’ve talked to the park designers, and it's really not feasible to get either the diplodocus or the iguanodon out of the big herbivore valley. So, what do I do?”

“Celebrate it,” Chad says. “I don’t even know what the problem is, they’re animals. Animals fuck.

“But they’re gay,” Danneel says and wrinkles her cute button nose. “Not that I mind, obviously, but we have a few conservative parenting groups breathing down our necks. A week ago, one million moms started a petition. Jared and Jensen have become political.”

Jared and Jensen clearly don’t give a shit about conservative dipshits taking issue with their big, gay dino love. They’ve moved on to the post-sex cuddle ritual that Chad finds even more fascinating than the actual sex. Jared’s still leaning on Jensen’s back and has bent his long neck around enough that he can rub his head against Jensen’s. They’re nosing at each other’s faces, and occasionally sneaking out their tongues to lick the other one.

“Look, these two went through fire together, literally. When we tried to split them up after to rear them with their own species, they threw a fit. Jared went on a hunger strike and Jensen almost behaved like a carnivore and attacked every human that came close to him, never mind that he used his thumb spike to file away at his cage.” Chad really admires the little bugger’s persistence. “It was either lose them or let them live together. And since they’d end up together in the herbivore valley anyway…” Chad shrugs.

He doesn’t tell Danneel that Jared had been his favorite of all the little hatchlings, much more friendly and playful, almost like a puppy. Chad and Jared had bonded, and Chad would not stand in the way of Jared’s happiness. Even if Jared’s happiness was that mean, grumpy iguanodon.

“Well, now they’re all grown up and fucking like bunnies and we have an image problem.”

After the first few times this had happened and the park leadership had voiced discomfort, Chad had started a little publicity campaign on his own. After all, sex sells, much more than some conservative gay panic.

So now he pulls his phone out of his pocket and shows it to Danneel.

“Why are you showing me your Twitter profile?” Danneel asks, then she gasps. “You have _seven million_ followers?”

Chad scrolls down so she can see his last tweet. He’d sent it just before she’d ambushed him this morning.

_The early bird catches the worm #dinolove #J2 #JurassicPark #nsfw ;)_

Below is a picture of Jared and Jensen going at it.

The tweet has almost a million retweets already and has been liked over five million times.

Slowly, Danneel looks at him. “How long have you been tweeting about them?”

“A couple of weeks.”

“Ever since I told you to find a solution.”

Chad grins.

Danneel points at his phone. “This is not a solution.”

Chad grins even more. “Oh, but it is. The internet loves these two. It’s the greatest love story since Titanic, but no one’s freezing to death in the ocean. Your little conservative hate group can’t compete with this.”

Danneel glares at him.

“Come on,” Chad wheedles. “Don’t tell me you’re not happy for these two crazy kids.”

With a sigh, Danneel looks back out onto the valley where Jared and Jensen have finally disentangled from each other and are now ambling over to the closest group of trees, where Jensen starts munching on the lower branches, while Jared buries his head in the crowns.

“This is going to force the park to lean into the whole happy gay love thing.”

“Yep.” Chad pops the p on purpose.

For a moment, Danneel’s expression is stern, then a bright smile spreads over her face. “If you weren’t such an unbelievable smarmy idiot, I would kiss you right now.”

Chad sputters. “What?”

Danneel laughs. “Oh come one, these two are adorable and I love them, but corporate really wanted to get them apart. Not that the terrible duo leading us ever knew what was good for this park.” Angrily, Danneel drags a hand through her long, red hair. “But now we have to publicly come out supporting them and they can’t even blame me because it’s the fault of the insane paleontologist.”

“Hey!” Chad’s not sure what exactly he’s mad about here, there’s so much to choose from, but then, she also said that she would kiss him, so… “You know, I don’t think you should take the whole kissing thing off the table yet.”

She gives him an exasperated look, then she crosses the short distance to him and plants a kiss right on his mouth. Her lips are warm and soft, and Chad is kind of stunned.

She pulls back with a smirk. “Let’s see if your wardrobe contains anything but horrible Hawaii shirts, then we can talk again.”

For a moment Chad is rooted to the spot, just staring at her ass as she walks away, then he scrambles to catch up.

“What’s that supposed to mean? My shirts are awesome. And wait, would you really go on a date with me?”

Down in the valley, Jared and Jensen are happily grazing. Their tails swing, rubbing against each other every so often, just a casual assurance that the other one is still close.

“Human courting rituals are so weird,” Jared says from high up in the trees.

Jensen finishes his branch and looks up Jared’s long neck. “What do you mean?”

“Well, the redheaded woman just licked Chad’s mouth and then walked away. Chad went really still, gave her a head start only to run after her.”

“That sounds needlessly complicated,” Jensen says. Not that he’s surprised. Chad is _weird_ , even by human standards.

But Jared likes him and Chad is the one who allowed them to be together when they were still little hatchlings, so Jensen cuts him some slack.

“We did a much better job,” Jared says through a mouthful of leaves.

“We?” Jensen asks.

The trees rustle and Jared’s cute head comes down to Jensen’s level. He grins, lips pulled apart in a broad grin, showing off his pretty teeth. “Fine,” Jared admits. “You did a much better job.”

“That’s better,” Jensen says smugly.

Jared snorts and rubs his mouth against Jensen’s cheek. “Will you be forever smug about the fact that you took the first step? You hatched four days before me, you know, it’s no wonder you matured earlier.”

Jensen nods. “I am very wise.”

“You mean old,” Jared says.

“Hey.” Jensen pokes Jared’s soft underbelly with his tail.

Jared just laughs, the sound rolling through the forest and it never fails to make Jensen happy.

“You know what the upsides are of being young though?” Jared asks conspiratory, and he moves his head lower, half wraps his neck around Jensen and then noses his way down Jensen’s belly. “Young guys have more _stamina_.”

Jensen closes his eyes and feels his dick throb. “Is that another one of the words Chad taught you?”

Jared hums, the vibrations traveling through Jensen's entire body. “It means you can go for the whole night.”

“Well, technically, it’s day,” Jensen points out, just to be contradictory. Not that he’s going to have enough brain function for banter for long because Jared’s tongue is slowly licking between Jensen’s legs where his dick is still hidden under his scales. But with Jared’s wet, insistent tongue, not for long.

“We already established that humans are weird generally and Chad specifically,” Jared says. “How about now we focus on being much more sensible with daylight matings?”

And really, when Jared envelopes Jensen’s growing cock with his tongue, all Jensen can do is gently place his front paws on Jared’s head and hold on.

And if he’s entirely honest, the idea of fucking Jared at night, when it’s dark around them and quiet, sounds kind of appealing. But that’s also kind of _kinky_ (another fun Chad word), and Jensen hasn’t dared bring it up yet. After all, they only matured a few months ago and haven’t been having sex for that long.

Suddenly, Jared lets go of him. “Jen?”

Herbivores have a sixth sense for danger, and Jared’s extends to immediately picking up on Jensen being distracted.

“Sorry, Jay, I just…”

Jared’s big eyes blink up at him, and Jensen can see how his nostrils flare in distress. So Jensen rubs his face against Jared’s neck. “I just thought of something else Chad said.”

“Now?”

Jensen shifts on his feet. He wants Jared’s tongue back on his dick, but he also wants—geneticists help him—to get _kinky_.

“I was just thinking, it might be nice to fuck at night once. See what the fuss is all about.”

Jared’s eyes widen. “Jensen! That’s so kinky!” He laughs delighted. “Chad would be proud.”

Jensen groans and his dick softens. “He can never know.”

Jared’s still laughing when he says, “promise.” Then he eyes Jensen’s dick again. “So do you want to wait until tonight, or…”

“Or not,” Jensen says decidedly, and Jared is immediately back to licking his dick.

And well, if tonight goes well, there’s a whole list of things Jensen hasn’t stopped thinking about… Maybe it’s not so bad to listen to Chad every once in a while after all.

**Author's Note:**

> You can come find me on tumblr [here](http://ashtraythief.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [here.](https://twitter.com/ashtraythief) My ask box is always open.


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